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Juan Zarate SYP Comic Debut! Exclusive Featured Wisdoms 

Juan Zarate SYP Comic Debut!

Big Shout-out! to Watcha’s one and only Juan Zarate! He got to open up for Chingo Bling (@ChingoBling) this weekend having his first run at comedy be 5 sold out shows in a row. In the words of Juan Zarate “Stand Up is something new for me…But I love the shit already. I love music too. Both give me a rush. Looking forward to doing more this year. No time for bullshittin anymore.”  Juan Zarate is a founding member of Watcha Magazine and his column Junito’s Wisdom has shown his…

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8 Things Novela Taught Us Exclusive Featured Wisdoms 

8 Things Novela Taught Us

When you grow up in a Mexican household there are some things that are inevitable. Things that just exist. Things that are fact. Purple Fabuloso. Una veladora. A calendar from a local panaderia that is always three months behind. Drunk adults crying at kids parties. El Buki’s voice playing somewhere. (Little know fact: If you clean a Marco Antonio Solis CD with Purple Fabuloso, Jesus appears) The final constant? Novelas. Novelas all up in ya crib bruh. From way back when the lady on the box of Chocolate Abuelita was…

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Dear Chapo Cheerleaders and Pseudo Narcos Featured Wisdoms 

Dear Chapo Cheerleaders and Pseudo Narcos

You are not El Chapo. You don’t know him. He doesn’t know you’re alive. If he did he would probably take your cupcake ass life for being all up on his nuts. You don’t work for him. You didn’t dig him a tunnel to escape prison. You barely wanna dig in your pocket to pitch in for ONE bottle with four of your boys. Buchanan’s. You fucking hate the taste but the rest of the chiki Narcos talk about it so you drink it. You like Corridos. Cool. Me too….

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Never let a Mexican win the lottery Wisdoms 

Never let a Mexican win the lottery

I think ICE, Border Patrol and the racist lady who screamed in Lupillo Rivera’s face run the Lotto. Robben and the Netherlands fútbol team did some foul shit to those little Lotto balls. Brujería. NO ERA PENAL! They just don’t let Mexicans win BIG in the lotto. Every year the lotto gets up to a ridiculous amount a few times. Every year Univision goes to a ghetto gas station to interview someone buying loosies with pennies…asking them what they would do with all that money. “No pues una casita pa…

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How to spot a GREAT taco spot Exclusive Wisdoms 

How to spot a GREAT taco spot

People think that just cause I’m Mexican that I eat tacos ALL the time. Smh. You muthafuckin right!!! I can quote “Blood in Blood out” and Chalino Sanchez lyrics on command. I have the shot mark on my arm that proves I was born in Mexico and one of my exes tried doing brujería on me. I have drank Pepsi from a plastic bag and judge people who tattoo their own name on themselves. Yes. This makes me an EXPERT on tacos. Tacos weren’t a luxury back then. I can’t…

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Chicago hood: a love and hate story Wisdoms 

Chicago hood: a love and hate story

My niece came to visit me at work yesterday. Soon as she saw me she ran to me and hugged me. Kiki is only three years old so she says my name a lil weird still. “Chinito”. She’s trying to say Juanito. But I pick her up and she gives me a kiss and tells me she loves me with no problem. A three year old was shot on the face last night. At a park. A total of 13 people were shot at a park 3 blocks from where…

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How Mexicans Deal With A Breakup

How Mexicans Deal With A Breakup

The ingredients: Chente songs, perpetual tequila shots, two tablespoons of tears and unlimited data/texts phone plan. That’s it. You break up with a Mexican…expect to receive drunk text/calls at any time of the day. For weeks. See Mexicans are passionate about everything. We are willing to fight to the death over a soccer team or over who’s rancho makes better pozole. So imagine you take away their favorite source of agasajos?!? Ladies…break up with a crazy Mexican dude…just know you’ll wake up Wednesday morning with 37 missed calls, 19 unreadable text messages…

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School of hard knoX Wisdoms 

School of hard knoX

The year was 1986. The City: Chicago. West side. Predominantly black neighborhood. My ashy elbow ass felt right at home. One problem. I had just backstroked the Rio Grande and gotten here from Mexico. I knew about 17 words in English. Two of them were “gummy bears”. So unless we were talking about snacks I was fucked. My pops tells me that I actually thought they were just making up sounds when they spoke to me. So I would just respond by making up my own sounds like “gdmsue gueddrett…

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